10 1 / 2011

This is my journal my diary of trying to find “thats where it is.”  The thing is I don’t know what I am searching for or what I have “left to find” all I know is that I am on some sort of journey.  I am on a journey to find peace and happiness within myself and my surroundings.   My mind goes from light to dark from wanting to live to wanting to crawl into a permanent sleep.  I find myself starving for breath as I heave and sob night after night day after day crying and asking What the Hell happened to me? What the fuck have I become? How did I get so miserably unhappy?

I don’t want to be this person, I don’t wanted to be haunted by memories that I can’t ever seem to escape.  I don’t want to be afraid of men.  I don’t want to harbor: anger, sadness, shame, embarrassment, fear, anxiety, or compulsive behaviors, anymore.